By Barroom Genius 
Regardless of your age, breaking up or needing to get over your ex is hard to do. It’s painful and feels like a dark cloud is hanging over your head. Thoughts of her can hijack your mind and leave you in a funk. Even if you are the one who left her, you still might be struggling with letting her go, and it’s likely affecting your career, your sleep, diet – everything.
From your work performance to hitting the clubs with your friends, heartache can follow you like a shadow and doesn’t just surface when you lay down to sleep.
“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be. “
Author – C. JoyBell C.
If you do not take action and take the trash out of your mind, getting over your ex will be a heavy weight on your shoulders. And you probably don’t even know where to start. Well, you’ve started at the right place, with this Barroom Genius article.
Here, we are gonna break down 7 expert tips that are guaranteed to get her out of your mind in 30 days. If you try these things and they don’t work for you, leave a comment below and The Barroom genius will gladly address it.
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The single best way to expedite the healing process after a breakup or divorce is to simply stop contacting your ex. We know this can be difficult and counter-intuitive. Every time you open the gate back to your ex, via social media, email, phone, you are keeping a part of yourself attached to her. It’s actually very common for guys to try to remain friends with their ex after a breakup. In fact, according to a 2015 study, more than 50% reported that had tried to stay friends with their ex. And we wonder why so many people have a hard time moving on!
These days, social media makes it hard to resist the temptation to reach back out to her. This is self-sabotage, as all it does is prolong your heartbreak.
The only exception to this rule is if you have kids together, and from there you must establish clear co-parenting boundaries and leave it at that.
You are going to feel sad, angry, confused. All of these feelings are normal, yet they inspire you to keep in contact with her. Be aware of this, accept it. Each time you contact your ex or wait for them to contact you, you are losing precious energy that could be devoted to rebuilding your life.
Unfriend her on all social platforms, block her phone number and email if you have to. If you have the insatiable urge to reach her, delete her email address and phone number, so you can’t succumb to the urge. Once again, we realize this sounds harsh, but according to psychologists, breaking contact completely is the quickest way to move on. So start today.
This is simply a subconscious distraction technique designed to distract you from your pain and it will backfire. If you are doing this simply out of spite, you will eventually bring more heartbreak to yourself. We’re not saying become celibate, move into a tent in the mountains and cry into your daily bowl of cornflakes.
We’re saying quite the opposite, actually. Start doing the things you could not do in a relationship. Take some time to evaluate your role in the breakup and what lessons you have learned. When you are truly ready, you can begin to consider a relationship. But don’t force it or rush it out of neediness. Your new partner will pick up on this and then you’ll have another heartbreak to deal with.
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” This may be true in some cases. But you need to keep it super casual with this “someone else” and be very clear that you are not ready for anything serious.
Researchers at the University of Auckland found that single people are just as happy as those in a relationship. This goes against what culture tells us more frequently.
“This study found that people who want to avoid conflict may feel relieved when they don’t have to manage the inevitable ups-and-downs of being in a relationship,” says Yuthika Girme, author of the study.
Following a breakup, you can be overly emotional and lack self-confidence. Is this really what you want to bring to another partner? How is that supposed to work? Step back for a while and reflect. This will make you more equipped to spot the red flags you may have ignored in the past, preventing yourself from repeating the cycle.
It may feel awkward being single if you have been married or in a long-term relationship for a while. But studies show that single people become closer to their family, friends and community. So give it a shot for a while. Then when the right lady comes along, you’ll be a stronger version of your former self.
After a breakup, everything is still very raw and you will be inclined to daydream about what could have been. Snap out of it. The goal here is to get her out of your mind for 30 days. That’s going to be impossible if you are slipping into fantasies about her every day.
We are not suggesting for you to immediately become a Zen master or suppress thoughts of her. Be mindful of them when they arise and replace them with something else. Here’s an easy way to do this: every time you find yourself reminiscing about the good times, stop and remember the bad times. This will pull you out of the fantasy and back to the reality of why you are separated.
This will get easier every day if you commit to it. And oftentimes, you are not really struggling with the loss of your ex. You are struggling with the transition to a new life. Know the difference.
Also, do not incessantly talk about her or look for advice from your friends. Your friends care, but they are not Dr. Phil and often have ass-backwards advice. And eventually, they will get tired of your pity party, when they want to actually party. Which is the last thing you need. You want your friends to enjoy your company, not dread another sob story.
It’s completely normal to talk to friends and family about the situation initially. In fact, it’s very important to get it off your chest to people you trust. But don’t turn it into a habit. Do not focus on the love you are not getting, focus on the people who are there for you and appreciate them more. Do not binge watch your own memories. Learn to look at the present moment and the future more often.
Not saying become a vegan, start wearing a fedora and critiquing different coffee blends. But change things up a bit in your daily routine.
Upgrade your wardrobe. Go out and add a few things to your closet that make you feel fly. Science has proven that upgrading or changing up your wardrobe, creates a new vision of yourself and releases dopamine – that funny chemical in your brain that makes you feel good. You don’t have to be rich to do this, there are plenty of stores that offer affordable high-quality clothing.
Take a different route home from work. It sounds trivial, but taking a new route forces you to look around a bit more and become more centered in the present, instead of just mindlessly driving, where you can fall victim to fantasizing about your ex again.
Think back to the things that you enjoyed when you were single and pick them back up. Get out of the house and try new things as well. Start working out, go the gun range, go to different bars or start a puppet show. It doesn’t matter what it is, just start something new. This will make your mind feel as if you are back in control of your life, which you are. You no longer have anyone to answer to, so enjoy it.
If you lived together, try rearranging your home a bit. Get some new artwork or rearrange your office. This forces your mind to associate with a new future and a new, peaceful home.
Listen to some new music. Stop listening to “I will always love you” or whatever song was “our song.” This is going to cause a flood of emotion every single time. Delete it from your playlist and replace it with something inspiring, uplifting or just straight up savage. Whatever works.
Create some new goals for yourself, like reading one book a week, learning some new recipes or learning new skills. From now on, you are on a path of upgrading yourself in every way. Use the break up as a chance to propel you.
Even if this means taking that special pillow you shared into the street and burning it. Even if it means taking that first love letter and shredding it while laughing manically over a glass of “great whiskey.” Sometimes anger can be a positive emotion. Use it to fuel the removal of anything that reminds you of her. Sounds harsh, we know. But this works. In some traditions, this is referred to as a “cleansing ritual.”
MRI brain scans have proven that reminders of your ex activate the same parts of the brain associated with physical pain. Ever wonder why your heart sinks when you see her photo? It’s the same part of the brain at work. So break the cycle.
Some people find this approach a bit too hardcore and they don’t have the heart to remove everything. If that is the case, pack it all up into a box and give it to a friend. This will stop your temptation to go through it yourself. Instruct them not to return the box until you are 100% ready. Personally, I believe this is just delaying the inevitable. But it may be a good first step for those who aren’t ready to go on the erasing spree.
If you still have stuff in your home that belongs to her, do not coordinate a meet-up. This will open old wounds and cause confusion. Pack it up into a nice box (the more respectful and organized the better), as this will remind her you are moving forward with intent. Pack it all up and ship it to her or have a mutual friend pick it up.
Do not go through your phone and stare at photos of the two of you. Delete them or replace them with some of our “inspirational memes.”
The sooner all of this is cleared out, the sooner you will get over her.
Initially, you will want to avoid the temptations that might come with accidentally running in your past lover in public. In doing so, you may have to make some sacrifices. You may have mutual friends or frequent the same bars. Like I said above, start going to new bars and new places. At least for a while anyway.
We know this kind of sucks, but it’s a small price to pay for your sanity and reclaiming your life. Imagine running into her at the bar with her new fling. You might catch a charge so don’t risk it.
This may seem like you are giving her control and you are living out of fear.
“It’s my favorite club and I’ll go if I damn well please!” Quite the contrary.
Consider that she may be going to these places knowing she’ll eventually run into you. Removing this from the equation actually puts you in control.
Just give it a minute. Thirty days to be exact.
Instead of just avoiding the common places she may be at, expand your social circle. Catch up with old friends and go where they like to go. We encourage you to meet new people through these invitations, too.
The reality is you will likely run into your ex at some point. How do you respond?
Like a boss.
Don’t hide. Do not bear hug her and tell her that you miss her. Don’t brag about how amazing your life is now. This just makes you look weak and they see through this.
Lighten up the moment and say something like “Well, this is awwwwkard” with a smirk. Be friendly and brief, wish her well and casually walk away.
Warning: This reaction may actually cause her to chase you. She may contact you the next day on social media with a “great to see you” (assuming she isn’t blocked). Don’t fall for it. Remember the same pattern will continue if you allow it. You are in control.
Its very natural for men to glorify and idolize their ex-girlfriend after splitting up. Even if the relationship like a Black Mirror Episode or a Nightmare On Elm Street, we tend to hang onto the positive memories. That exotic trip you took to Detroit, that wonderful dinner, and what she did with the whipped cream after dessert.
The reason for this is memories are stored like information on a hard drive. Painful events are saved differently than positive memories. This is the mind’s natural defense mechanism. Negative and traumatic memories are naturally stored deeper in the mind to protect you from pain, while happy memories are easier to recall.
Be aware of this tendency within us, and choose to remember the fights, the deception, the confusion and anguish. I’m not saying sit in your dark room, twirling a machete and obsessing over her every negative trait. But when you catch yourself daydreaming about how amazing she was, remember the other side. The dark side.
Don’t constantly daydream about how great the sex was, instead remember those times she had a “headache” or had an attitude in the bedroom.
This is one of the most important things to do when moving on, as it rewires your brain and your associations of her.
At Barroom Genius, we realize these tactics may seem savage and extreme. But remember this is a guide on “how to completely get over your ex in 30 days” and not a guide on “How to kind of move on eventually.” Some things require extreme action.
Remember, there was a reason you two separated. And most likely you both played a role; maybe the attraction level dropped or maybe there was built-up resentment.
So, remember this same cycle would likely continue and in order to reclaim your life, you must take extreme action.